I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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