My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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