I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
