I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
