btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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