I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
