I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
