So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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