Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
