I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
