so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
