Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
