I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You made out with two different species that night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
