goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
