You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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