Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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