she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
