He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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