Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
