ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
