They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
