y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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