I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
a search helicopter?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
