He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
