You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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