jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
