i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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