in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
