im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
