just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
