I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize