first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
