I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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