We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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