Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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