Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
