no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
