Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
