I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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