I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
