I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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