i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
