i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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