No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
