Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
