its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
