I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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