just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
