Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
