This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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