Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
