after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
