Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found puke in my bra..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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