i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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