brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize