I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
