Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
