So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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