The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
