I must be too annoying 4 u.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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