If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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