his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
