when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
