false alarm. still invincible.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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