I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
