I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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