It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
